Dale Says

August 27, 2021

I like to eat

Filed under: Miscellaneous — Mr. D @ 2:24 pm

I took my dad to the barber for his last real haircut. He was in his 80’s, his Parkinson’s was getting worse, and he had macular degeneration, so he didn’t get out much. And he hadn’t had a haircut for a while. I came home for a few days to help mom take care of him, and dad asked if I would take him for a haircut. At the time, he had very little hair on the top of his head (like me now), and the hair around his ears was thin and wispy. But it must have bothered him, because he really wanted a haircut. So we drove down to Kerk’s Barber Shop on Highway 30 in the downtown section of town. No appointment was necessary, and when we arrived Willard was sitting in one of his two barber chairs, reading the sports section of the Omaha World Herald. When we walked in, Willard put down his paper, brushed off the chair, and helped dad get settled in. I sat in the other barber chair and thumbed through an issue of Sports Illustrated.

Willard put the barber cape around dad, picked up his clippers, and started to work. Dad wasn’t very responsive in those days, so Willard’s small talk about the wheat harvest and Nebraska football team didn’t go far. Eventually, Willard started to visit with me. After a few minutes I asked him why he was still working, since he was in his 70s.

“I like to eat,” he told me. I waited to hear what that had to do with the question.

“If I don’t work,” he continued, “I don’t earn any money. And if I don’t earn any money, I can’t buy food, and I can’t eat. And I like to eat.”

I thought that was a good answer, although I knew Willard had plenty of money. And I think he liked to work. Or at least he like to talk to people who came into his shop.

Years later, after my dad and Willard had passed away, Willard’s wife called on my mom and I, and I told her what Willard had said that day.

“He said that to a lot of people,” she replied. “The truth was he drove me crazy at home. He was always in the kitchen, asking for something to eat. So I told him to go to work.”

I’ve thought a lot about Willard since then. I miss his presence in his barber chair, and I miss his attitude toward life. And every now and then I use his answer and tell his story when someone asks me why I still work.

May 18, 2021

Ina Coolbrith: The Saving Power of Poetry

Filed under: Colorful Characters, Historical Article — Mr. D @ 5:46 pm

On top of San Francisco’s Russian Hill, on Vallejo Street between Mason and Taylor, is a small park with wonderful views of the Pyramid Building and Bay Bridge. It’s a quiet and secluded spot where tourists and locals can rest, reflect, and read about the San Francisco poet the park is named for.

Ina Donna Coolbrith struggled throughout her life with personal loss, family obligation, and illness. But through dogged persistence she became one of the best-known and most loved poets of her time.

Born in Navoo, Illinois March 10, 1841, her mother named her Josephina after her uncle, Joseph Smith (founder of the Morman faith). Her father died of malaria when she was five months old, followed by her sister. Her mother re-married, moved the family (including 11-year-old “Ina,” as the family called her) by wagon train to California, and supported the family while her new husband invested in failed gold mines. The family relocated to San Francisco, and then Los Angeles.

Ina fell in love with poetry on the way west, reading Shakespeare and Byron, and making up poems during the long, dreary days on the trail. She published her first poem in a Los Angeles newspaper at age 15. Two years later she married Robert Carsely, an ironworker, who abused her, and she lost a baby boy. She divorced, moved to San Francisco, and changed her name to Ina Coolbrith (her mother’s maiden name).

San Francisco and poetry became her refuge. She taught school, wrote poems, and developed friendships with writers and poets of the day – including Mark Twain, Bret Harte, Charles Stoddard, Joaquin Miller, and Ambrose Bierce. When the all-male Bohemian Club formed in 1872, Ina was made an honorary member.

Ina’s responsibilities grew when her sister died and left two children in her care, followed by her ill mother, and Joaquin Miller’s daughter. Suddenly, Ina had a lot of mouths to feed. She became head librarian of Oakland’s library, where she worked for 18 years. When she was abruptly fired (without cause) she became the Bohemian Club librarian. From her house on Russian Hill, she hosted writing salons and composed poems. Over time, she became a leading West Coast poet, and her work was familiar to a generation of Californians.

Ina never re-married. Men called on her and friends (including John Muir) tried to play matchmaker, and while she was admired by many men and may have had a tryst or two, in the end, her true loves were San Francisco and poetry.

The 1906 earthquake and fire destroyed Ina’s house and burned much of her writing. Friends took her in and collected donations to help rebuild her home on Russian Hill. She continued to write poetry and remained a vital part of the San Francisco literary scene for decades. She outlived most of her contemporaries and (despite severe rheumatoid arthritis) continued to write until her death at age 86, February 29, 1928.

There have been many tributes to San Francisco’s “Queen of the Meuses.” Books have been written about her, a mountain in the Sierras is named for her, and a park on Russian Hill is dedicated to her. But perhaps the utmost recognition was when she was named California’s poet laureate (the first in the U.S.) during the 1915 Pan-Pacific Exposition in San Francisco.

On the second day of the exhibition a standing-room-only crowd assembled to see Ina crowned. Poet Edwin Markham described her accomplishments. Senator Phelan introduced her. When the president of the University of California presented her with a laurel crown the audience cheered, waved white handkerchiefs, and threw flowers at her feet.

Ina was typically modest: “For those who are passed away and for my sister women,” she told the crowd, “I accept this laurel with deep gratitude and deeper humility.”

To San Francisco
By: Ina Coolbrith (1841-1928)

Fair on your hills, my City,
Fair as the Queen of old,
Supreme in her seven-hilled splendor-
You, from your Gate of Gold,

Facing the orient sunburst,
Swathed in the sunset gleams,
Throned in an ultimate glory,
City of mists and of dreams!

Alice Marble: A Story for the Ages

Filed under: Colorful Characters, Profile, Uncategorized — Mr. D @ 5:44 pm

The next time you explore San Francisco, you might want to spend a few minutes at the tennis courts on top of Russian Hill, less than a block from Lombard Street. From there, you can enjoy breathtaking views of the Pacific Ocean, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Alcatraz – and you can reflect on the remarkable story of a San Franciscan named Alice Marble.

“Tennis gave me the opportunity to serve my country, but it did not prepare me for what I was asked to do – be a spy!”

That’s how Alice Marble opens her autobiography, which quickly turns into a dramatic rise-and-fall-and-rise-again story. She calmly tells how she overcame vast odds (including tuberculosis) and massive loss, to become the best female tennis player in the world. It also tells how she lost everything, and then bounced back to help prosecute the people who tried to destroy her life. It really is a story for the ages!

No one would have predicted such an exciting life for a girl who grew up an ordinary tomboy in 1920s San Francisco. As a girl, Alice Marble was primarily interested in sports, especially baseball. When she was seven, her father died on Christmas Eve, leaving her mother to raise five children. Her uncle filled in by taking Marble and her brother to local minor league San Francisco Seals games. She enjoyed it so much she went whenever possible, arriving early to play catch before the game. Thinking she was a boy, one of the Seals players asked her to come on the field. Marble later wrote that “… my hero, Lefty O’Doul, asked me to shag flies for him. Joe DiMaggio, beside me in center field, yelled encouragement.”

After that, local newspapers printed stories about her, identifying her as the new “Seals mascot,” and a San Francisco Examiner sportswriter dubbed her the “Little Queen of Swat.”

When she was thirteen, her brother gave her a tennis racket and told her, “You can’t keep hanging around the ballpark, hitting balls through people’s windows and acting like a boy.” At first, Marble was devastated to lose her time with the Seals, but she learned to play tennis – and to play it well. She excelled at sports at San Francisco’s Polytechnic High School, and after school she became a champion tennis player, noted for her aggressive play on the court and pioneering a new form of women’s power tennis. She also started a new dress style for women’s tennis, being the first to wear shorts. She toured the U.S., Canada, and Europe, played in tennis tournaments, and won most of the time.

In 1934, Marble collapsed during a match at a tennis tournament in France. Doctors diagnosed her with tuberculosis and told her she would never play tennis again. She was taken to a sanatorium and confined to a bed, where she watched her muscles and her hopes wither. After nearly a year, she left the sanatorium and went to live with her tennis coach. Encouraged by her coach and by actress Carole Lombard, who became a friend and confidante, Marble made a remarkable comeback. Through excruciating rehabilitation and grueling effort she went back on the tournament schedule and, in 1939, she won tennis titles in women’s singles, women’s doubles, and mixed doubles. She became the best female tennis player in the world and was named the Associated Press Female Athlete of the Year in 1939 and 1940. Her comeback and championships won her fame and notoriety. She designed her own line of tennis clothing for women, gave inspirational talks, conducted tennis clinics, hung out with well-known people, including Clark Gable, Charlie Chaplin, William du Pont, and Randolph Hearst, and was mobbed by fans and given special treatment wherever she went.

During World War II, Marble volunteered to serve in the armed forces, but she was turned down because of her tuberculosis. Instead, she was asked by President Roosevelt to co-chair a physical-fitness program for the Office of Civilian Defense. To pass security, she was interrogated by the FBI, who questioned her about an earlier relationship with a Swiss banker named Hans and delved into her lifelong photographic memory. She also served her country by conducting tennis clinics for soldiers and by performing as a singer at U.S.O. clubs. She fell in love with and married a handsome, dark-haired pilot named Joe Crowley. They exchanged love letters and spent blissful days together when he was home on leave. She became pregnant and looked forward to raising their baby.

On Christmas Eve, 1944, as the Battle of the Bulge was being fought in Europe, the doorbell at Marble’s apartment rang. A man in a uniform stood in the doorway with a telegram in his hand. Joe was dead, killed in action over Germany. Only days before his death, Alice had a miscarriage with their child after a car accident. It was too much for Alice, and she wrote that “Joe was gone, and all my dreams with him.” She fell apart.

Again, Marble’s tennis coach was there to help her find a reason to go on. After a lengthy recovery Marble was approached by the U.S Army and recruited and trained as a spy. Her mission involved renewing contact with Hans, her former lover and a flourishing Swiss banker, and obtaining Nazi financial information from him. She received training in self-defense, firearms, and using a miniature camera.

She was sent to Europe to play in a series of demonstration tennis matches in order to attract Hans. The ruse worked — he contacted her. They dated, and she wound up falling in love with him. He made her feel alive for the first time in months and she was torn by her longing to be with him and her desire to help her country. Her conscience reminded her that she was the only one who could do what had to be done, and she decided to do her duty.

She discovered where Hans kept a key to a safe containing stolen valuables and names of the Nazis who had stolen them. She feigned an illness and while Hans was out she photographed the information in the safe. Just as she was finishing, Hans came home. She suspected Hans had left the keys in his car, as he usually did, so the servants could move it into the garage, and she waited until she heard him enter the house and go upstairs to look for her. She ran out the front door, got into his car, and fled. She was afraid he would follow, or that she would be stopped by police. Instead, she was flagged down by the Army contact assigned to her, who had been watching Hans’ house.

Her relief turned to terror when she discovered her contact was a double agent. He demanded she give the photographs to him, which was not the agreed upon plan. She refused and fled. He shot her in the back, took the photographs, and turned them over to the Russians.

Badly wounded, Marble spent months recovering in a hospital. Fortunately, she recovered fully and she was able to use her photographic memory to recall some of the Nazi names and information, which she gave to U.S. agents. It was valuable intelligence that was later used to help prosecute high-ranking Nazi officers.


After the War, Marble resumed playing and teaching tennis. She spent the rest of her life mentoring female tennis players, including Billy Jean King, and she contributed to the desegregation of the sport by writing an editorial in support of Althea Gibson, the first African-American athlete to cross the color line of international tennis.

In 1964, Alice Marble was inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. She moved to Palm Desert, California, where she taught tennis until her death in 1990.


The Little Queen of Swat had never given up. She spent her life overcoming adversity and fighting for what she believed in. Hers is truly a story for the ages.

May 3, 2021

On My Birthday 2021

Filed under: On My Birthday — Mr. D @ 11:53 am

On my birthday I am 70 years old. It’s a big ‘un, during a very strange time. After the past year of pandemic, politics, and pandemonium, I’m convinced that people age faster during difficult times. The past year has seemed a lifetime.

The concept of being 70 crept up on me a little at a time, beginning about a year ago. I’m not afraid of being 70, but there is a stronger sense of mortality and an urge to get on with things. And yet it’s difficult because of the pandemic. I can’t travel now, for example, at least in the traditional, overseas sense. And I haven’t been able to see friends, although that’s starting to change. And my writing career is stymied, but not wholly because of the pandemic.

A brief story about being 70: I recently had a delightful email exchange with a college student in Oregon who had purchased one of my Simon & Garfunkel record albums at a used record store. It had my name on it and he sought me out and asked if I wanted it back. The name on the front of the album is in my handwriting, and I clearly remember that being one of my favorite albums. He told me he loves 60s music and he listens to it when he and his dad take road trips. He asked me what my favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs are. I told him “Sounds of Silence” and “Old Friends” and I sent him the lyrics. You probably remember “Old Friends” about two old men sitting on a park bench. One of the final lines is “How terribly strange to be 70”.

And now, experiencing it in person, I have to agree — it is terribly strange!

Yes, it is strange to be seventy. Very strange! But you know what … it was strange to be 60. I remember a rather lengthy period of pouting then. And 50 … a half-century … that was the end of middle age, and that was a tough one, too.

So maybe it’s birthdays that end in zero that are strange. And yet, each of them has introduced me to a decade that was even better than the one before. I hope this is the same.


There is no way I could have made it through the past year without Patty. She is my rock and my inspiration. She encourages me and supports me and loves me all the time, even when I’m a pain. We have loved each other, and been with each other, and explored the world together for over 30 years. Together, always together. I’m stronger, and more adventurous, and an overall better person when I’m with her.


Physically, I feel good. Over the past year I’ve had some sciatica issues, and troubles with my right foot required visits to a podiatrist. But by my birthday I can say that my overall pain level is low and I can keep it that way by stretching and exercise.

Emotionally, I’m a little worn out. The craziness of the times and the past “pandemic” year have been hard on me, and they’ve slowed me down a little. That’s given me a chance to sit back and assess things.

All things considered, I’m happy with who I am and where I’m at on the day of my big ‘un. It’s been a tough year, but I’ve come through it in pretty good shape. I’m strong, and vital, and have things to look forward to.


The world is still in a pandemic, which has been going on for more than a year. The worlds is in the midst of another wave of cases and deaths, in some places. Cases and deaths are increasing in India, South America, parts of the Middle East, and a few U.S. states. We’re all tired of it, and it seems the world is about to explode. We hold our breaths and hope that vaccinations will roll out soon enough to contain this virus spike and prevent others. People are weary and miss their normal lives: kids haven’t been in school, parents have been working from home, businesses have been shut, travel has been severely curtailed.

The pandemic has roiled global economies, upset the lives of everyone on earth, and taken more than three million lives, including 600,000 in the U.S. The worlds is in the middle of a third (or fourth) surge of the virus, and variants of the virus are appearing that are more contagious, and maybe deadlier. Vaccines have been available for a few months, and countries are getting them into peoples’ arms as quickly as possible. It’s amazing how well it is working, at least in the more developed countries! In the U.S., about one-third of the population have been vaccinated. Patty and I had our two shots a couple of months ago, so we feel protected. We still wear masks when we go out, and we still practice social distancing in public.

Living through the past year has been a challenge. We are fortunate to be retired and not raising kids because the pandemic has been hardest on working people with school-age children (who haven’t gone to school for a year). For us, restrictions meant we couldn’t travel, or see friends or family, and we haven’t had a meal in a restaurant for a year. So we spent a lot of time in our house last year. As the months went on, we made adjustments and we began to see Patty’s brother, then my brother and his wife, and we started going for outdoor hikes with Ken and Vicki. That helped, and it made our lives seem a little more normal.


My writing career has had ups and downs; mostly downs the past year. My book about San Francisco people did not sell well and, if the truth be told, hardly sold at all. That has been a disappointment. I worked on it for four years, and I thought it would be a hit, but it hasn’t been (it has sold less than 300 copies). It was not well received by local bookstores. I dropped off copies (with notes) at more than a dozen bookstores and never got a call back. I appealed to bookstores and history associations to give talks about the book and never got a call back. I advertised it on Facebook, and ran promotions on Goodreads, and ran an ad in a local newspaper – but I received only a handful of orders. I did presentations on Zoom, which were well-received, but didn’t result in book orders. I donated copies to a local senior program, which resulted in requests for me to make a couple of video presentations, but didn’t increase book orders.

I’m not sure why the book didn’t go over better, but I am beginning to suspect (from the reviews on Amazon) that some people didn’t like the brevity of the stories, while other people didn’t care for the illustrations.

It’s been a disappointment.


Over the past year I put together a collection of my short stories about people, added articles by my mother and Aunt Margaret, and added a more personal chapter with articles about my sister’s struggle with Covid-19, my mother’s dementia, and a summary of my birthday stories. I published the collection in a book called “Good People.” I didn’t try to sell it, but instead sent it to friends and relatives. It has been well-received (by those who read it), and I’m satisfied with how it turned out. And I published a book about the Dashiell Hammett society I belong to with background information on the group and meeting minutes I’ve written over the past 20 years. Again, I didn’t try to sell it, but am giving it to society members, friends, and a few family members.


My sister Anne had an incredible struggle with Covid. She was in the intensive care unit of a Portland hospital for seven weeks (on a ventilator for more than two weeks) and in a rehab unit for another three weeks. Patty and I drove to Portland to see her when she was released and to stay with she and Buzz to help her recover. She was thin and weak, but she had a positive attitude and recovered somewhat over the summer. Her recovery was a remarkable tribute to the U.S. healthcare system and Anne’s determination. Since getting home, she has struggled to regain her strength and balance. I continue to be impressed with her strength and perseverance.


Our group gatherings have been less frequent and smaller the past year. We stayed in touch on Zoom for a while and held gatherings in Misty’s garage, or wherever we could safely get together, and instead of the whole gang getting together we have had family members or a couple of friends over for holidays and special occasions. We crave time with family and the gang.


Over the past years I have developed an appreciation for Pt. Reyes National Seashore, and I love spending time there. Last Fall, I found a cottage to rent that really fit us, and Patty and I stayed there a week each month from November through March. It was a great change of pace from our routine in San Francisco, and we enjoyed the beauty and solitude. We loved having friends and family members join us. The nights were especially memorable with coyotes howling at the moon, wind shaking the trees, and quiet. It was just what we needed!


We managed to fit in a couple of driving vacations, despite the virus situation. We went to Drakesbad in August for four days. There were just five of us this year, as the rest were concerned about the virus. It was a good getaway, and we enjoyed the change of scenery, hiking, and stargazing at night.

Patty and I drove to Oregon just after Christmas, to spend time with Anne, Buzz, and Ian. The drive was long, but good, and the time with Anne was special.


Our Dashiell Hammett group continued to meet during the pandemic. We met in person last March just as the pandemic was shutting things down, and then we met on Zoom for a while which wasn’t very satisfactory. So, we met in person, outside one of our houses. The group has lost a little of its previous spirit and some of the meetings were a little tense, but we are all happy we continued to meet.


I have continued to volunteer, although the focus shifted from serving meals to shopping for people who can’t leave their homes because of health issues and the virus. For the past year I have gone shopping for groceries and supplies for three elderly women, including Ina. It has made for some long Fridays. But the women have been grateful, and that has been a good reward.

I have continued to support several local organizations with donations; including Telegraph Hill Neighborhood Center, NEXTVillage, Smuin Ballet, the San Francisco Symphony, Pt. Reyes, and the San Francisco History Association.


The pandemic was the major news item over the past year. As the death toll grew (100,000 in June 2020, to 300,000 in January, and 500,000 in March) state and local leaders tried their best to contain it and prevent illness and death. But hospitals and health care workers were overwhelmed in many states. As the situation worsened some state and national leaders turned it into a political issue – refusing to mandate or enforce safety measures, rebuking those who did, attacking health care leaders, and endorsing questionable measures to contain or cure the virus. By April of 2021 there were more than 500,000 deaths from the virus in the U.S. and over three million worldwide.


The world lost a trailblazer and champion of truth when Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died last September. She spent a lifetime fighting for women’s rights and served 27 years on the nation’s highest court, becoming its most prominent member. Her death left a huge void that will take a long time to fill.


The U.S. has been in disarray much of the past several years, with deep divisions and a great deal of anger over the appropriate future direction. Some of it has merit, as income and racial inequities are increasing, but much of the rage is over “perceived” inequities and fear by whites that they are losing their majority and traditional way of life. Those perceptions and fears have been exploited by Trump, opportunistic members of congress, and right-wing media. There seems to be little interest in actually fixing the country’s problems; instead, most of the rhetoric centers on power and resentments. Meanwhile, the big issues like immigration, climate control, gun violence, and racial unrest fester.

Under those circumstances, we all held our breaths last November when we went to the polls to choose between Trump and Biden. On election night Patty and I were glued to our televisions, hopeful but gravely concerned. Trump was ahead much of the night as in-person votes were tallied. Then, as the night wore on Biden started to catch up, and as more mail-in ballots were counted he pulled ahead. A handful of states would decide it – including Michigan, Wisconsin, Georgia, and Arizona. The first three were called for Biden, and then Fox News, which had been Trump’s propaganda arm the past four years, declared Biden had won Arizona. Trump’s people tried to pressure Fox executives to change their call, which was refused.

Near midnight, Patty started to get ready for bed. That’s it, we both thought, Biden has won. But wait, was Trump going to concede, or would he do something crazy? He is a reality TV guy, after all. News organizations were told that Trump would make an announcement. A concession speech, we wondered. No, that’s not his style. Then what?
About midnight (West Coast time) Trump walked to a podium and proclaimed that he had won the election, there was wide-spread election fraud, and he walked off.
We were flabbergasted! Trump continued to say that for the next two months, and he sent cronies to pivotal states to file lawsuits to overturn voting results. He summoned state election officials to the White House and asked them to change state voting results. He called other state election officials and asked them to “find” enough votes to make him the winner. Court after court and election official after election official said “no” — there’s no fraud – certainly not enough to overturn the election. Trump’s own election official said this was a clean election, so Trump fired him. There were re-counts, and challenges, and Trump continued to say the election was rigged and he had really won.

While Trump continued his “big lie” right-wing news organizations perpetuated it on air. That got Trump’s supporters worked up and they vowed to overturn the election. Finally, the day came (January 6) when the United States Congress was to certify the electoral college results. Trump’s supporters planned a huge rally in Washington D.C. to support their hero. When the day arrived, there were thousands of Trump supporters in the nation’s capital — with Trump flags, and American flags, and baseball bats, and bear spray — ready to do whatever needed to be done to accomplish their goals, whatever those were. Trump sent out sycophants to rile up the crowd, and then Trump himself came out and told the crowd the election had been stolen from him, and he encouraged them to march to the capitol building where he would join them. They did, but he didn’t. When they reached the capitol building, they stormed it — fighting police, trampling barricades, breaking windows and doors, entering the building, stealing furniture, photographing documents, trying to locate election results, and threatening to hang the Vice President.

Patty and I watched it on television in disbelief! It was an insurrection, in the U.S. capitol building, incited by a U.S. president!

It took several hours and thousands of police and national guard soldiers to clear the miscreants. Five people died in the process. At first Trump refused to call it off, and by the time he asked his supporters to go home the damage was done.

Despite the horror and chaos, Trump continued to say the election was stolen from him and he had really won, and he continues to say that today. He has never conceded the election, refused to go to Biden’s inauguration, and left town before the inauguration began. Today, half of his supporters continue to believe the election was fraudulent and Trump really won. Meanwhile, some states run by Republican governments are changing election laws to make it harder to vote – out of fealty to Trump and fear of his backers.

The House of Representatives impeached Trump for inciting a riot. That gave Trump the distinction of being the only U.S. president to be impeached twice. Republicans in the Senate refused to convict him, using the excuse that the Constitution doesn’t allow a president who is no longer in office to be convicted.

The world watched and couldn’t believe this was happening in the country that used to be leader of the free world. “How sad,” my friends from other countries wrote to me, “What has happened to your country?”


The past year has been a terrible one for the United States and the world. More than three million lives have been lost to a virus (many unnecessarily), and the damage the virus has had on economies will take years to recover.

The past year has been a challenging one for me. Spending the last year of your 60s in “lockdown” has been hard. Having a major writing project fall on its face has been discouraging. And not being able to travel or see family and friends has been tough. But over the past year, Patty and I comforted ourselves by realizing that Anne is alive and recovering and we are in a very good house in a very good city and we have each other. That, more than anything else, will get us through.

Things are beginning to turn around. Vaccinations are proceeding quickly, and new virus cases are decreasing. Stores and restaurants are re-opening, and more-and-more public events are being held in person. Soon we will be able to see family and friends, and one day we will be able to do it without masks and social distancing.
Competent, caring leadership is in charge in California and in the U.S., and we seem to be moving in the right direction.

So, there is hope that reason and truth will prevail, good people will undo the damage done by bad people, and the pandemic will come to an end.

That’s something to cling to.

May 1, 2019

On My Birthday 2019

Filed under: On My Birthday, Uncategorized — Mr. D @ 2:32 pm

On my birthday, I am 68 years old. This year I spent my birthday at Pt. Reyes with Patty, my brother John, and his wife, Eva. It was a wonderful way to spend a “tweener” birthday; hiking, enjoying the beautiful wildflowers, and relaxing. And it was quite different from my birthday a year ago, which I spent in Oregon with my sister Anne, helping her with radiation treatments and worrying about her health.

The past year has been good for me. Patty and I continue to be in love, get along well, and explore the world. We continue to spend time with good friends and family and to try to make the most of this very special portion of our lives.

We were able to enjoy a lot of travel over the past year; including to London, the Cotswolds, and Scotland in May, Seattle for a wedding in June, Nebraska to see family in July, Drakesbad with friends in August, Michigan with friends in October, Argentina and Uruguay in November, and Bhutan in March.

I continue to write, which is satisfying. Publishing my writing hasn’t been successful nor satisfying, however, as I have run into obstacles. Patty and I were able to self-publish a collection of travel articles and photographs (which we called The Places You’ll Go) in March. My San Francisco book ran into problems, however, when the publisher we chose discovered copyright questions over some of the images in it. I spent three months locating photographers, obtaining copyrights, and overseeing the making new images. At the end of that exercise, the publisher found a few other minor issues, and when pressed revealed that he didn’t really like the images we proposed. So we are switching publishers, and have now decided to use a small Bay Area company to help us publish it. The other book (Good People) is finished, but it will sit until we are able to publish the San Francisco book. All of that has been a little depressing for me. At this point, a good deal of my self-worth is pegged to my writing, and struggling to produce a high-quality published book has me down. I find myself less enthusiastic about starting new writing projects, and a little less cheerful about life in general.

Patty and I spent time with local friends throughout the year, and we enjoyed the San Francisco Symphony, Smuin Ballet, SF Playhouse, PEO State Convention in San Jose, Healdsburg with Peter and Carol, a baby shower at our house in June, and lots of house guests throughout the year. We hosted Christmas at our house, and Anne, Buzz, and Ian spent New Years with us, and Anne’s much-improved health was very gratifying.

I continue to dedicate part of my free time to helping people; especially our friends Norman and Michael, and my special friend, Ina. And I continue to volunteer every Friday at Tel-Hi, and to donate to several organizations; including the Smuin Ballet, Pt. Reyes National Seashore, Tel-Hi, and the San Francisco Symphony. It’s good to be able to help those very worthwhile organizations.

While most aspects of my personal life are going well and my health is good, there are troubling trends emerging about overall social and political aspects of life. I have documented some of these in previous birthday writings, so I won’t dwell on the details here. Suffice it to say that the world I live in is increasingly divided, self-centered, and angry, which affects nearly every aspect of our lives.

San Francisco and California continue to hum along, with lots of money and high lifestyles, but few solutions to nagging problems like high living costs, poverty, homelessness, and wildfires. Still, it’s a peaceful and prosperous place to live, if you can overlook those downsides.

The U.S. isn’t faring quite as well. While the overall economy is doing great, there is a huge amount of social unrest and divisiveness, and while it’s calmed somewhat since the presidential election in 2016, there continues to be unrest, anger, resentment, and a growing sense that something needs to change. Ever since Trump was elected president there has been a growing divide between conservative and liberal groups, with no sign that anyone is trying to bridge the differences. Trump purposely plays to his base by insulting allies and opponents, making outrageous claims, lying, and enacting policy that he knows will antagonize others. The media is all over it, but he has done such an effective job of casting doubt on the truthfulness of the media with his base (he repeatedly says they write “fake news” and calls them “the enemy of the people”), that few of his supporters believe any source of news except Fox News or the president himself. And so half of the U.S. believes the leader of the country is a deranged, lying bully and the other half believes he was sent by God to lead them to a faith-based, conservative nirvana. That’s where it now sits, and there seems to be little that will change their minds.

The Mueller Report, which the U.S. anxiously waited two years to see, finally came out last month. It found that Russia did purposely interfere with the U.S. elections in 2016, but that the Trump campaign and administration did not knowingly coordinate in those efforts. However, it documented numerous attempts by Trump and his people to obstruct the investigation into that interference, but declined to press criminal charges. At first, Trump and his cronies praised Mueller, his team, and the report saying that it “fully exonerated” him. But, when the full (except for redacted portions) report was released and studied, it became apparent that Trump had indeed made numerous immoral and possibly illegal moves, and there were many more stopped by his staff. Now, numerous investigations into those activities are starting in the House of Representatives, all of which are being opposed and in some cases stonewalled by Trump.

The Democrats are offering a huge number of candidates to run against Trump in 2020; including mayors, congressmen, senators, businessmen, and a former vice president. It will be entertaining to see which of the two dozen candidates rises to the top.

There are warning bells going off throughout the world on a number of topics – signs that a larger crisis is near. Huge numbers of people are on the move throughout the world, driven from their homes by hunger, unemployment, war, drought, famine, and political unrest. Those millions of people seeking a better life in new lands are causing unrest in the countries where they are trying to settle, and a backlash is underway in more economically-advanced countries; including the U.K., Germany, Hungary, Turkey, South Africa, Australia, and the U.S. Some residents (including people we know and respect) do not want more immigrants in their country, because they fear they will change their culture and lifestyles. In some cases, severe reactions are being taken to prevent more immigration (including Brexit and the Trump anti-immigrant responses). Clearly, building a 30-foot high wall across a country’s entire southern border is a desperate and antiquated response, but that’s what a sizeable portion of the U.S. population (including the current president) support.

So, how to resolve those issues? No one has a solution. Instead, it has become personal, and each side is intent on destroying the reputation and credibility of the other side in order to advance their case. The angry and divisive responses on both sides are now fueling harmful rhetoric and hate crimes, which are on the increase in the U.S. and elsewhere.

The U.S. economy is strong, which further supports the short-term solutions that have been taken to prop it up. Having reduced tax rates to please their voting base and give a short-term stimulus to the economy, the Republican Party now ignores massive resulting increases in federal debt, and is instead touting low employment and a strong stock market as signs that their measures are working.

The election of Trump and a Republican majority in the Senate also mean that many federal regulations that protect clean air, clean water, oceans, and national parks are being cancelled. That will surely have long-term negative effects. Similarly, cancelling international treaties and alliances, imposing tariffs on allies, bullying weaker nations, and insulting friends and foes around the world will most likely cause the U.S. to lose our global leadership and invoke future reactions against us. The damage that the current administration is doing will surely have negative impacts for years.

In other areas, homelessness is becoming a larger problem in many parts of the U.S. Many millions of dollars are being spent to reduce the number of homeless people and to get them back into society, but at this point it does not seem to be making a difference. San Francisco’s new mayor (London Breed) seems to be intelligent and forceful, but does not seem any more capable of resolving this major issue than her predecessors. Gavin Newsom, California’s new governor, couldn’t resolve the issue when he was mayor of San Francisco, and I doubt he can affect it from Sacramento. At least he does have a strong economy to work with, and budget surpluses.

In other areas, in a year without any standout movies the upbeat film Green Book won the Academy Award for best picture; Olivia Colman won best actress for The Favourite and Rami Malek won best actor for Bohemian Rhapsody. The Golden State Warriors won the National Basketball Championship last year, and the New England Patriots won the Superbowl. Our local football and baseball teams (the 49ers and Giants) are mired in or near the bottom of their respective divisions.

On My Birthday 2018

Filed under: On My Birthday, Uncategorized — Mr. D @ 2:32 pm

“Each day is a new beginning; that’s why the sun comes up.“

On my birthday, I am 67 years old. I woke early today and watched the sun rise over the hills at the Oregon coast. I am in Oregon on my birthday this year, with my sister, Anne, and her husband, Buzz. This is a special birthday for me because I get to spend it with them.

About a month ago, Anne fainted while volunteering at a local school. She had a seizure and woke up in an ambulance, on the way to a hospital. She was transferred to a larger hospital in Corvallis, where tests were administered. She had lesions in her brain and one on her left lung. The brain was the most immediate concern, as there were 10-12 large lesions there. After several consultations, she opted for a biopsy, which was positive, and she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, which appeared in her brain and lung. She had surgery, which removed two of the tumors in her brain, and when the wound healed, she scheduled full-head radiation therapy, to shrink the remaining tumors. As of today, she has completed seven of the ten scheduled treatments, with the remaining three to be this week.

Anne has an uncertain future. She has stage IV cancer in major, vital organs. She is relatively young (63), in excellent physical condition, and has taken care of her body, so she is well-equipped to fight the battle ahead of her. Her oncologist told her that people do survive this, so she is determined to give it her best. She is also realistic, knows the odds are against her, and is prepared for whatever lies ahead.

My dear sister’s illness has hit me hard. If she were to die it would be a very hard loss for everyone associated with her, including me. It’s made me introspective; I realize that I may not have a lot of years ahead, and that the ones I have left may not include the people I love the most. And that makes me want to make the most of every day left to me.

The past year has been very good for me. Patty and I continue to be in love and to get along well. We spend time with good friends and family and we try to make the most of this very special portion of our lives.

We were able to enjoy a lot of travel over the past year; including the U.K. in May, New York in June, family reunions in June and September, Drakesbad in August, Oregon in August (for Anne’s birthday and the solar eclipse), and Amsterdam and the Balkans in September.

I am continuing to write, which is very satisfying to me. After the Balkans trip, I hunkered down, re-wrote the San Francisco book, and went to work on a book of short articles about people.

Patty and I spent time with local friends in the fall and winter, and we enjoyed the San Francisco Symphony, Smuin Ballet, two trips to Parajo Dunes, and lots of house guests. It was a time of adventure and joy, but also a time of loss, as our good friends, Ruth Diefenbach and Lee Tyree, died in October. Patty and I suffered (and still suffer) their loss. The year-end holidays were a little funky without those two close friends, and with having to quickly throw a Christmas party together when Sue backed out of hosting it. Anne, Buzz, and Ian spent New Years with us, which was healing.

Loss of close friends has been hard to bear, and it weighs on both of us every day. It’s different than losing an uncle, or an aunt, or a parent. It’s loss of a peer, which not only brings grief, but reminds us of our mortality.

The past year has also been difficult as we watch our country go backwards on many fronts. I am now beginning to understand how our conservative friends and relatives must have felt when they saw the U.S. adopt policies that used tax revenue to help the disadvantaged, encouraged equality and diversity, and promoted diplomacy and globalism. It’s a feeling of helplessness – of an avalanche coming toward you with no way of stopping or diverting it.

For me, it has been frustrating and maddening to watch the loss of leadership, values, and decency in my country over the past year. It was such a bizarre year – one that historians will write about for centuries. Beliefs that had held the world together for generations; including cooperation, compassion, and civility were thrown aside in favor of a selfish, hateful, and short-sighted course of national interest and isolation. John Diaz, of the San Francisco Chronicle put it this way:

It was that kind of year. Strange happenings all around, from epic weather catastrophes to the first total eclipse to cross the United States in 99 years to a president so tethered to Twitter and untethered from reality that the Washington Post counted more than 1,500 false or misleading claims in his first year in office.

Political, social, and financial behavior in the United States has taken a much more selfish, basic, and coarse path over the past year. Our political leaders and half of our society are now determined to follow whatever course brings them the most gain, whether it is best for the world or not. People living among us relish Trump getting back at the “coastal elites” and they chuckle at his outrageous behavior. Neo-Nazis openly march in our cities and preach hatred for Jews and Muslims. Republican politicians encourage and support deviant behavior, and they openly spew vitriol and hatred toward members of the opposition party. This is from the people who are supposed to be our leaders, and to set good examples for us.
Congressional Republicans secretly drew up and passed (without hearings) sweeping tax legislation that primarily benefits large companies and the wealthy (and hurts middle-income taxpayers in states such as California with high wages and high state and local taxes). They passed a budget that increases spending for the military and will significantly increase our deficits for years. Trump criticized the media, attacked the FBI and Justice Department (who work for him), and repealed legislation that would benefit the environment, the poor, and the needy. He fired James Comey, the head of the FBI, who wouldn’t swear loyalty to him. He insulted everyone who crossed him, made up belittling nicknames for his opponents, and withdrew from global treaties.

Immigrants have been blamed for crime and economic difficulties, and they are being rounded up by armed military forces and deported, many for no other reason than coming to the U.S. without permission. Huge swaths of people are not allowed to come to the U.S., many from mostly-Muslim countries, because right-wing Americans fear that Muslims are evil and intend to kill Christians. Rural and right-wing Americans fear losing their culture and way-of-life, and they attack people and groups that are not white, heterosexual, and Christian.
Gun violence is increasing in America. School shootings and mass shootings in public venues are common and occur nearly every day (including 59 people slaughtered by a single gunman in Las Vegas, 26 parishioners in Texas, and numerous smaller mass shootings). No political leaders have the courage to do anything about it; instead they offer “thoughts and prayers” to victims after each shooting. After a school shooting in Florida in which a teenage former student killed 17 high school students, the student survivors rose up and demanded gun control measures. Trump met with them and promised to take action to prevent future school shootings. But after meeting with the NRA, Trump changed his mind and offered that schools should arm teachers, repeating the NRA slogan that “the best way to stop bad guys with guns is with good guys with guns,” and to promote more guns. Students who survived school shootings were they ignored by the president and state and federal legislators, and they were criticized by adults on social media for their lack of knowledge about some technical aspects of the guns that killed their school friends. None of this makes any sense to those of us who reject gun violence and legal ownership of military-style weapons. None of this makes any sense to the rest of the world.

Future generations will wonder why measures weren’t taken to prevent mass shootings, and there will be no reasonable answer. But, living in the midst of it, I will say that a good percentage of the U.S. today has been convinced by gun lobbyists (especially the NRA) that the “left wing liberals” want to take away their guns, and the only way to fight that is to stop ANY gun control measures.

“America First!” Trump exclaimed as he signed bills that put us at odds with allies and eliminates regulations that would ensure clean air and water. “Business First!” Trump claimed as he and his cronies passed legislation that favors coal, oil and natural gas industries over renewable sources of power. “Fake news!” Trump cried whenever the media disagreed or criticized him, while he lies, bullies his enemies, and insults his opponents.

Parents are at a loss to explain Trump’s behavior to their children. Adults apologize for him to friends in other countries. Families and former friends split-up and refuse to talk to each other, divided over his crass and dishonest behavior, and they try to figure out why we have stooped to that level.

The U.S. has lost its way in this, one of the darkest chapters in our country’s history.

We have depleted our global standing. Other countries are confused by our lack of compassion and selfishness, and they are forming alliances that exclude us. We are becoming an isolated, confusing, and selfish bully.

That situation is hard for half of the country to take, and a counter-movement is forming. Massive marches have taken place; including the Women’s March after Trump’s election, marches to protest Trump’s immigration policies, protests against neo-Nazis, and numerous student rallies that protest gun violence. Mid-term elections will be held this November, and I hope the reaction will be severe. Thousands of new candidates are running for state and federal offices this year, and early indications are that massive numbers of people are registering to vote. Most of them are upset by the turn of events that put a sexual predator in charge of our country, and they intend to vote out Republican lawmakers who have supported him. There is a chance that one (or possibly both) of the houses of Congress can become dominated by Democrats in November, which would be a counter measure to the Republican legislature and administration.

The vast majority of U.S. Republicans support Trump, and to a lesser extent the Republican-led Congress. One reason they stick with them is they are passing legislation that supports conservative social issues (e.g., abortion, sexuality, immigration, religion).

Another is the U.S. economy is doing well. Unemployment is at record lows and the stock market is at record highs. Conservatives attribute that to Trump and the Republican-led Congress, and they don’t want to rock the boat while things are good. Last year was terrific for people who have invested in the stock market, and for those who needed to find work.
Terrorism is on the wane, which Trump takes credit for. ISIS is on the run in Iraq and Syria, which Trump takes credit for. And North Korea has agreed to talking about the possibility of de-nuclearization, which Trump takes credit for.

There is an investigation into the possible collusion by Trump’s campaign with Russia during the 2016 election, and one into possible obstruction of justice by Trump himself. The special counsel doing the investigation (Robert Muller) has filed charges against several of Trump’s campaign staff and his close associates, and the State of New York has filed charges against Trump’s personal lawyer, but there’s nothing yet against Trump. For his part, Trump throws under the bus anyone close to him who is charged, and he decries the investigation as a “Witch Hunt.” He has recruited Republican lawmakers to attack the FBI, Justice Department, and members of the media who are involved in the investigation.

This is another very sad chapter in our country’s history, similar in scope to the communist hunts of the McCarthy era, and it’s shameful.

Democrats are fighting back, including many state and local governments that object to being trampled on by shady, ruthless Federal agencies. Lawsuits by states are prevalent, efforts to stop immigration, deportation, taxation, regulation, and other Trump policies. I am proud of the way California’s senators, representatives, and governor have stood their ground and fought back.

Another big trend over the past year involves women reporting inappropriate sexual behavior of men in high positions. It’s called the #MeToo Movement, and it has snared a huge number of men in political, entertainment, media, and sports positions. Much of it is good and well-deserved (including Bill O’Reilly, Harvey Weinstein, and Bill Crosby), but recently there have been some questionable accusations made against some well-respected men, including Al Franken and Tom Brokaw.

California is in the midst of one of the best times since I moved here. The economy is solid (thanks to high-tech and Governor Jerry Brown), unemployment is low, and the legislature can concentrate on forward-looking tasks. Still, housing prices in much of the state (particularly San Francisco) are sky-high, due to too many people and too few homes. And, amid the economic boom, homelessness is as bad as I’ve seen it, with over 6,000 people living and sleeping on San Francisco’s streets.

San Francisco suffered the death of its popular mayor, Ed Lee, in December. It was sudden, unexpected, and threw a pallor over the city. I knew Ed and greatly respected his tenacity, integrity, and the way he respected everyone, from immigrants to millionaires. He was the ultimate example of the immigrant living the American Dream.

I continue to pursue my own American Dream, which involves helping people and trying to find my way to a satisfying second career. I still write – about people, about what I find good about life, and about what I find troubling about life. I’m not yet sure where this will take me, but I know I am heading in the right direction. At age 67, I am very concerned about the future of our country and our world. But I also believe in the fundamental strength and nature of Americans and humans.

On my birthday, I am in a good place – healthy, secure, and surrounded by a loving wife, caring family, wonderful friends, and respectful neighbors.

This stage of life is good.

This stage of love is great.

April 26, 2017

On My Birthday 2017

Filed under: Uncategorized — Dale @ 2:52 pm

On my birthday, I am 66 years old. This is another ’tweener birthday – not as stressful as the big ones, but meaningful none-the-less.

For the most part, life is excellent at sixty-six! My health is good, I have the freedom to do what I want, I have a loving wife and wonderful friends, and (barring any really extreme economic downturns) I should have enough money to live the lifestyle I enjoy. I don’t feel older, but it is a little harder to get up off the floor, and lately I’ve been making that “noise” when I straighten up. My eyesight is much better than a year ago (cataract surgery), which has given me more confidence and I appreciate colors and scenes more.

There is a pall over this stage of life that involves loss – of parents, relatives, and friends. I guess it is part of the natural cycle of living, which rationally makes it acceptable, but each loss is a dark cloud that hangs over everything.

About the only significance to this birthday is I will start withdrawing Social Security. I certainly put a bunch of money into Social Security for many years, and it will feel good to take some back out.

With my life relatively level the past year, the most noteworthy events for me was the aftermath of my mother’s death and the presidential campaign and election.

I’ve accepted the fact that I am an orphan, and I’m over most of the grief of losing my mother. I am comforted by the knowledge that she did not to be alive any longer, and that she got her wish. I’m also happy with the way we distributed her belongings and with the young family that moved into her house. It’s still a loss, but it had a satisfying ending. I’ve filled in most of the time I spent helping her with volunteer work and writing, but there are still times when I feel the loneliness, and grief washes over me. I spent several weeks sorting through her diaries and photographs, writing about the records of her life and sharing it with my siblings. Now, I have good memories of her to accompany me through my days.

The presidential situation isn’t going down as well, and it is my greatest worry and consumes a portion of each day. I spent time today writing and sending notes to U.S. Senators and Representatives expressing my opposition to using U.S. taxpayer funds to build a border wall between The U.S. and Mexico. It’s the “cause” I’ve picked to resist this Administration’s efforts to de-construct recent efforts to make our world a better place, and focusing on it keeps me from being overwhelmed by the many other horrible things happening in Washington D.C.

It will be important for future generations to understand what happened November 8, 2016, and to know how we reacted to the election of Donald Trump. As far as I am concerned (and there are millions and millions of people in the U.S. who feel the same way), the presidential election was one of the worst days in my life, and one of the worst days in the history of the U.S. A good portion of the country was in shock and despair for weeks, and the country is still extremely distressed and divided. Protest marches occur nearly every week, as the U.S. is now run by an incompetent narcissist who has surrounded himself with cronies who are attempting to undo most of the progress we have made in equality, fairness, leadership, and environmental protection. Each day brings more blows, and the effort to combat it is exhausting to everyone. Future generations will be disgusted with us and wonder how we could do so much damage to the country and the world.

So how did he get elected?

The U.S. has been deeply divided for years, with half of the people satisfied with the direction and pace that was set. Under Obama, we were a respected world leader who took careful and deliberate moves to keep the world as peaceful as possible. Domestically, we were making slow, but steady progress to make sure everyone had equal access to basic services like work, education, and health care. Most people were satisfied with that movement. However, a segment of the country felt left out. Their personal situation was not improving after the economic recovery of 2010 – 2016, and they were falling behind in income, lifestyle, and savings. That segment became increasingly bitter and angry, which was further fueled by frustration over lack of concrete progress by the Federal Government, as Republican-controlled houses of Congress blocked virtually all attempts by the Democratic Administration to pass laws.

The frustrated segment looked for a new leader; someone different than the usual politician that had been able to do so little to resolve their difficulties. Enough of them bought into the promises that were made by Trump, a real estate developer, reality television actor, and snake oil salesman who guaranteed them he would bring their jobs back, give them high-quality, low cost health care, and “make American great again.” They believed him and voted for him.

What has happened during the first 100 days of his presidency is the opposite. Lacking any government experience, and having only his own interests at heart, Trump has surrounded himself by immoral advisors, Wall Street executives, and family members and has been able to accomplish very little. As a result, a majority of the country disapproves of his performance and are embarrassed by him. Other countries do not know what to make of him; he has insulted many of our allies, praised our enemies, and flip-flopped on many of his major campaign positions. His administration is shaping up to be one of the most corrupt and ineffective of all times, and the U.S. has lost its leadership role and is seen as a dangerous pariah. There is uncertainty and fear of the U.S. throughout the world.
Several major problems face Trump: a civil war in Syria; a mad dictator in Korea with nuclear weapons; ISIS continuing to conduct and inspire terrorist attacks in the U.S., Middle East, and Europe; Russia getting aggressive in Eastern Europe; the EU is under threat; and right-wing groups in Western Europe are getting stronger. It is a tense time throughout the world.

The Trump election and ensuing chaos has been the most momentous issue facing me and the rest of the world over the past year, but life goes on.

At this point in life I am healthy, financially secure, and have the freedom to do what I want. I am also fortunate to have a wonderful wife and good friends and family that support me.

Last year was a difficult one. My mother died in March, and my siblings and I spent the spring and summer cleaning out her house (the house I grew up in) and selling it. That was a sad task, involving three trips to Chappell, lots of sorting and sifting, agonizing memories, and dividing up and parceling out things to my siblings. It had a satisfying ending when a young couple we know bought it to live in and raise their three small children. I’m sure my parents would be happy it came out that way.

My writing continues to be an important part of my life and I am still working on a book about people from San Francisco. Last fall I finished the book and sent it off to 15 publishers and five agents. None of them wanted it, so I took it to an editor who pointed out the need for a substantial re-write. After setting it aside for a couple of months, I am now back at it, editing stories, adding more stories, and gathering photos. It’s a tough effort that is now becoming enjoyable.

We continue to travel, and we enjoyed four excellent trips during three past year: Cuba, the Deep South, Finland and the Baltic States, and Cabo. All were educational and enjoyable, and I wrote and published articles about the trips to Cuba and Baltic States.
We still see our circle of good friends often, and their love and support means a great deal to us. The group gets together several times each year for holidays, and at Drakesbad, and this February we spent a week together in Cabo, Mexico. And the guys get together each quarter for DHSOS meetings.

As in previous years, we continued to lose friends this past year. In addition to my mother, we also lost Kathleen Kokezas, a long-term and good friend to Patty and I, and Eva’s uncle, Jan, passed away in March. Ruth Diefenbach is very ill now, and won’t be alive much longer, and our friend Lee became very ill in February with leukemia. Life is precarious.
Life in California continues to be wonderful. The economy is strong, the governor (Jerry Brown) is an excellent leader, and the culture is varied and accepting. San Francisco is similar, in a smaller way, with a flourishing economy, strong leadership, and accepting population.

Entertainment often reflects the times, which was the case last year. Hamilton is the hottest play, and Moonlight won the Academy Award for best picture (after a mix-up that initially gave it to La La Land). In sports, the Super Bowl went to overtime and the New England Patriots squeaked out a comeback victory over the Atlanta Falcons. Local teams did well, but lost in the end. The Giants made it to the playoffs, but lost in the first round. The Warriors made it to the NBA finals, but lost in the finals. The 49ers were one of the worst teams in the NFL and fired their coach after the season.

August 4, 2016

Mom’s Diaries

Filed under: Uncategorized — Dale @ 1:24 pm

I didn’t know my Mom kept diaries until I ran across them in her desk while we were cleaning out her house. There they were, eight five-year diaries that covered four decades, neatly ordered by date, with daily entries in her tidy cursive handwriting. They start October 19, 1967 (her 42nd birthday) with this entry:
Rec’d this diary this birthday, also hankies from Ed and gloves & nail polish from other kids. Ate out at Bowling Alley.

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that she kept diaries, since she came from a family of diary-keepers. Her grandmother, Anna Lacy, kept a journal for years, which consisted primarily of brief handwritten notes; and, her mother, Josephine, kept diaries and accumulated poems, recipes, and newspaper articles for more than 40 years. So Mom came by it honestly. Mom’s diaries are small, five-year books, and each page is for one date (e.g., October 19), so when you look through the pages you see what was written for that date for five years. At first, I found that a little confusing, but the more time I spent with the diaries the more interesting it became. On a single page, it is possible to compare what she wrote for that date for five years — on her birthday, for example, or Valentine’s Day or Christmas — and to see how her life changed over those five years.

Most of her daily entries are brief and factual, with little personal feelings or reflection. And the vast majority of her daily notes deal with her routine, her children, and the weather. The entry for October 4, 1970 is typical:
Made pumpkin pies for Altar Society lunch. Paid bills. Went for a ride in the country.

Occasionally, she commented on the news or on her health. In her notes, her husband was “J.” and her children were identified by their first names.

Most of the entries described her very busy days of running a household, taking care of a husband and eight kids, and volunteering at her church and community events. They give the image of a dedicated and hard-working woman who was proud of her life, her family, her community, and her country. They also tell a story of a lady who worked very hard at doing her duty every day of every year. This entry from November 5, 1968 is typical:
Washed & ironed. Made two apple pies. Went to Lion’s Club pancake feed. Voted for Nixon.

Over the years, her focus changed: from her daily chores and her church, to working and volunteering, to travelling and seeing her children and grandchildren, and to taking care of her husband. The last few diaries were mostly about seeing family and friends, and noting which of them called or visited her.

She recorded significant events in her life as they occurred: birthdays, weddings, illnesses, and deaths, and it’s possible by reading through those events to track the major milestones in her life. There’s little emotion, just facts. For example, this entry from May 14, 1991 noted the birth of her first grandchild:
Dan called to say they had a baby boy, William David, at 1:00 AM. Weighed 8 lbs., 7 oz., and is 21 inches long.

Likewise for deaths, this entry for July 4, 1973:
Gramp F. died. We went to see Gramp M. and to Peetz in P.M. Took boys to fireworks display at Big Springs. Ray came home.

There were surprises, too. I knew, for example, that she played the piano and organ – but I didn’t know that she also took lessons to play the guitar, recorder, and violin. And I didn’t realize her level of involvement playing the organ for her church until I saw it in her diary entries. There were entries for many years in which she met with someone to go over music for an upcoming wedding or funeral, then practiced the music before the event, then played for the event. She was truly dedicated to it!

Mom was a busy lady, and the older she got the busier she became. Many of her activities were recorded in her diaries as simple notes, such as this from March 2, 1987:
I gave the lesson, “Home Filing System” at Extension Club. Red Schroeder died. I went to Altar Society meeting.

I tend to forget that Mom worked, and she took each of her jobs seriously and noted her hours, responsibilities, bosses, and even her salary. She kept the books for Dad at his business, was a bookkeeper at a local car dealer, worked as a computer operator and office clerk at the local Farmer’s Elevator Company, and was a bookkeeper at the local nursing home. A typical entry from October 28, 1980 indicates the variety of her days:
Worked at Rest Home. Had two for piano lessons. Hail adjuster came and looked at Ford and left a check for $350.00.

Family birthdays were important to Mom, and she noted them in her diaries. Often, she recorded how old we were, what type of birthday cake she made for us, and what gifts we received. Those entries were probably practical solutions for her, since she could later remind us to send thank you notes for the gifts, and she could look in her diary to remember what our favorite birthday cake was.

Think her family didn’t keep her occupied? Meals were a huge part of her everyday life, preparing meals for and feeding up to ten people. Surprisingly, she seldom mentioned meals in her diaries, unless there was a special occasion, such as a child’s birthday, or Easter, or Father’s Day. She was aware, however, that she had a crowd for most meals, and on June 18, 1973, she wrote the following:
Wind blew hard all day. Anne had 2nd wisdom tooth pulled. Took Ed out to Don Johnson’s to go to the circus with them. J. and I ate alone for first time in 22 years.

After her children were grown and gone, Mom re-shaped her priorities. For a while, her diary entries were less frequent and briefer, but then she gradually added activities and interests and the tone of the diaries grew more fulfilled. She began noting her bowling scores, ladies’ club meetings, the dates when she delivered Meals on Wheels, art classes, and piano lessons she gave to local children. She and Dad took classes in square dance, and she took up quilting and made a quilt for each of her children. She went to concerts, visited with neighbors, and saw her sisters and her “aunties.” She took aerobics and went with a friend to water exercise. She planted flowers and helped Dad harvest and can vegetables. She picked cherries from the neighbor’s tree and pitted and canned them. When the neighbor’s wife died, Mom invited her husband over for meals. And she travelled – to the east coast, New Orleans, Hawaii, Alaska, Arizona, California, Nevasa, Oregon, and Florida, and she had a major adventure when she travelled with her siblings to Ireland. That trip, and all of her travels, were carefully documented, with details about what she saw, who she was with, and what she ate.

Wedding anniversaries were important to Mom, and she noted each in her diary. The most lengthy entry in any diary was about their 50th anniversary celebration, on September 6, 1998:
Had special ceremony at Mass for 50th anniversary. Renewed wedding vows. Children and grandchildren held votive candles. Grandchildren took up offertory gifts. Open House was 2:00 – 4:30. Had nice noon meal for family and relatives. (Also, played organ for Mass.)

Mom had a “fun” side, which also wound up in her diaries. She corresponded with the group of friends from college she called the “Fab 5”, and she and Dad got together with them regularly, including New Year’s Eve. She square danced, and she saw her sisters and brother regularly. She was a member of several local clubs; including the Extension Club, Altar Society, Booster Club, Heritage House, and later the Red Hats. She taught piano lessons and catechism, went to concerts and “shows” (movies), and took lessons in art, ceramics, and calligraphy.

Going through the last couple of diaries was hard. That was when Dad was sick, and Mom’s life revolved around taking care of him. I had to take frequent breaks while reading these diaries to keep from getting too sad. The tone of her entries changed from excitement — as she travelled, went to art classes, and did volunteer work – to sorrow as she took care of Dad when his Parkinson’s got worse. She noted each doctor visit and each fall, and she seemed to take it in stride, although the pain is obvious between the lines, as in this entry for November 1, 2004:
J. fell in bathroom. Keith Mitchell came to get him up.

When Dad couldn’t get out of bed two mornings in a row, Mom put him in a nursing home and then visited him nearly every day. This, too, was recorded in the same straight-forward, factual style. This entry from January 11, 2005 is typical:
I ate with J. at nursing home at noon. Anne called to say she will come Saturday. Cut J.’s fingernails.

I realized again while reading her diaries that Mom was one tough woman! She had a difficult childhood — growing up poor, with too much discipline and not enough love. She responded by excelling at everything she did (school, work, marriage, parenthood), and by keeping an even keel. That came out in her diaries — she didn’t get too high when things went well, and she didn’t get too low when they were bad. She noted that her childrens’ weddings were “pretty” or “nice” for example, and she reported that some funerals were “sad.”

I also realized as I read through her diaries that she appreciated her children. Next to her husband, we were the most important thing in her life, and each card we sent, each phone call we made, and each visit we paid to her was noted in her diaries. She was immensely proud of us, and those last few years, when Dad was in the nursing home and later after he died, were the hardest for her. Our calls and visits made it possible for her to carry on. She didn’t brag about us in her diary, which I guess was just her way, but it came through loud and clear that she depended on us and she was proud of us. That will stay with me forever, and that made it all worthwhile.

Thanks for keeping diaries, Mom. And thanks for loving me.

July 21, 2016

High Blook Pressure

Filed under: Uncategorized — Dale @ 10:35 am

In some ways, this presidential election is like going to see two doctors for high blood pressure.
As the Mayo Clinic describes it, high blood pressure generally develops over many years, and it eventually affects nearly everyone. Fortunately, high blood pressure can be easily detected, and once you know you have high blood pressure, you can work with your doctor to control it.
The U.S. has high blood pressure. It has many causes; among them are an increasing gap between low income and wealthy Americans, evaporation of the middle class, salaried workers feeling left behind, trying to absorb immigrants into our economy, the increase in global terrorism, and other challenges.
How to treat our high blood pressure? We are taking medicine now to keep it under control. It’s called moderate liberalism, and it involves sharing our wealth, treating everyone with dignity, and restrained involvement in the world’s problems.
Now we have opinions from two physicians about how to treat our high blood pressure going forward. One has been a physician her whole life, and she has been involved in several other high blood pressure treatments. She recommends continuing to take the same medicine, with modest changes in dosage. Her goal is to keep our high blood pressure under control. The other says he has a cure. He’s not a doctor, but he has been a successful businessman. He recommends a new type of medicine that hasn’t been tested, and which is viewed with suspicion by other physicians. His new type of medicine might cure our blood pressure. He says it will. But it might kill us.

April 27, 2016

On My Birthday 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — Dale @ 3:17 pm

April 24, 2016

On my birthday, I am 65 years old. I am now officially a senior citizen.

Patty asked me recently if I felt differently now than I did when I turned 60, and my reply was, ”No, not really.” I’ve been thinking about it since, and it’s true … physically, I don’t feel much different than I did five, or even ten years ago. I look different – less hair, a little grayer, and a few more wrinkles – but my weight is the same and I can still do everything I could five years ago. Mentally, I’m not as sure of myself now, and my eyesight and memory are a little worse. But that’s not too bad.

The past year has been a roller-coaster ride of emotions; highs and lows, ups and downs, and good times and sad times. The most notable example is a super-good 90th birthday party for my mother in October, followed by her death in March. Such happiness in October, and such sadness in March. My family is still recovering from and getting used to her being gone. Now the sad task of emptying her house and selling it will begin. And, for me, the trips to Chappell to take care of Dad and then Mom will stop. That has been a huge part of my life for more than a decade, and I will miss it. The loss has created an empty space in my life where I used to call her, think about her, and go see her, and that spot won’t be easy to fill. And not being able to go to and spend time in that house –where I grew up – will be very sad. So this, too, is part of getting older.

I enjoy this stage of life. My life with Patty is wonderful, and our circle of friends is supportive and kind. I have successfully organized my life into writing time, volunteering time, and Patty time, and I love the balance and variety of that. Mondays are when I spend time with Norman, getting him out to exercise, having lunch and talking with him, and enjoying each other. Fridays are for Tel-Hi and Ina, and I very much enjoy the sense of accomplishment that brings. Tuesday – Thursday are for office time and writing; including working on my book, organizing trips, and working on Ed’s estate. And weekends are Patty time, when we work on the house and garden and spend time together.

My book is done. I spent a year-and-a-half writing and re-writing it, and I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out. I had John Milestone create illustrations for each of the stories, and they add a lot to the book. Julia Scannell designed the cover, which uses John’s illustrations. I would like to have a publisher print and distribute it, and so far I’ve sent it out to four publishers. I’m waiting to hear from them. It is designed as a gift book or coffee table book, and I think it will sell pretty well. Now, I’m eager to get on with it, so I can turn to another writing project.

Ed’s estate is nearing completion. It’s been a grind, primarily because he did not leave a will and everything has to run through probate, which really slows the process. And, since my mother was the beneficiary for some of the financial accounts, her death will further slow the process. I’m treating it like a part-time job – working on it a little each week.
We participated in the Noe Valley Garden Tour last June, which was a lot of fun. That weekend, we had over 200 people tour our garden, and we had John Milestone and other friends join us for it. It was a great experience, which we will repeat.

We continue to spend holidays and vacations with our gang of friends, and it continues to be a very meaningful part of our lives. One down-side is that Ruth’s health has deteriorated to the point that she was placed in a care facility last December, and she now has little reaction when we see her. Her family has rallied around Bill, who seems to be taking it all in stride, but it is a very sad situation.

We had two very good trips over the past year: Oregon with Ken and Vicki, and Greece with Anne and Buzz. The Greece trip involved sailing and cycling in the islands south of Greece and exploring the mainland, and it was terrific! Greece was having financial troubles while we were there, but there was little sign of it, as the people were upbeat, positive, and very friendly. We loved Greece and would like to go back to see more. We also spent our usual week at Drakesbad in August, where everyone got along well and most everything went well.

In the news, the world seems to be coming apart at the seams. Terrorism, uprisings, massive migration in the Middle East, and poverty in Africa and Asia are increasing global tensions and forecast more problems to come. The extremist group, ISIS, is still in charge of huge sections of Syria and Iraq, and their especially brutal methods of treating conquered people is deplorable and sickening. The western world is uniting to fight them and making some progress, but there is still a long way to go before this is over. And meanwhile, millions of displaced people, fleeing the terrorists, are migrating to western Europe, where they are not welcome. ISIS is behind mass murders the past year in Paris, California, and Belgium, and parts of the western world, including the US, live in fear of them.

The US economy is slow, but strong, and the stock market is up, unemployment is down, and most things are running pretty well. Obama has been an excellent President, and this is his last year. He is praised by Democrats, Wall Street, and most educated people, for steadying the economy and for working to bring peace to the world. But he is hated and criticized by right wing and under-educated people, and the Republicans and right-wing media tell their constituents that the US is in terrible shape, with everything going bad. Our country is being torn in half by the hateful rhetoric.

In the US, there is an element of the population who feel left out, disenchanted, and angry, and many of them have supported the presidential ambitions of Donald Trump and Ted Cruz – two worrisome extremist politicians. Both espouse nationalism, isolation, and racial and religious bigotry. It appears that Trump will be the nominee for the Republican Party, which will be disastrous for the Republicans and for the US. Hilary Clinton appears to be the nominee for the Democrats, so we will likely have our first female President. If that is the case, I forecast trouble from Trump supporters.

In sports, the Golden State Warriors won the NBA championship last year and they set a record for most wins in a season this year. They are phenomenal, and the entire Bay Area has caught Warriors fever. The Giants had an off year, as did the 49ers. Maybe next year.

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