Dale Says

Dear Editor,

Your columnist, Finbarr Slattery, was the first person we met during our holiday in July and meeting him set the tone for a wonderful experience.

We had just come out of our B+B in Killarney and were heading into town for a bite to eat when he stopped us and asked how our holiday was going. At his request, we followed him into his home, where he shared a copy of his upcoming article on the most famous people born in each of the 50 U.S. states. I’ve gotten a lot of use of that article here, as few people can guess who it is in their home states. As a return gesture, I would like to share the following list of “tips” for enjoying Ireland, which I have passed to friends who are visiting your wonderful country. I hope you get a chuckle or two from them.

1. Take lots of film for your camera and stop often to take pictures. The foxgloves, fushia, and honeysuckle are beautiful!

2. Order your pint of Guinness at least five minutes before your previous one is gone, as there is a deliberate and time-consuming method of pouring a proper pint.

3. Stay in local B+Bs, where the hosts are part of the local experience. Order the traditional Irish breakfast once (to see what it is all about), then order the fruit and yogurt breakfast the rest of the time (to prevent fried-food overload).

4. When your B+B host tells you “’tis a fine morning” that does not necessarily mean it will be sunny. Take your rain jacket with you when you leave for the day.

5. Adopt an Irish surname for the duration of your visit. Your American name will probably not sound Irish to the locals and they will not ask you about your Irish ancestors. O’Shea would be good; Kennedy would be ideal.

6. Go to at least one pub each night and try to find ones with Irish music. Order Guinness to drink. Do NOT order Irish coffee in the pubs unless you wish to incur the wrath of the bartender.

7. Develop an awareness of the fine line between Irish wit and Irish sarcasm. You will not always know from which side of that line the locals are coming. Develop a thick skin and fire back with your own brand of witicisms. The Irish seem to enjoy a good comeback.

8. Be prepared for discussions of how the British oppressed the Irish for hundreds of years. The Irish do not seem to have got over the way the British treated them, and they blame the British, not whisky, for holding them back.

9. Take twice as much money and half as many clothes as you think you will need.

10. Try to appreciate every moment of your time in this beautiful and wonderful place. It really is God’s country!